So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Randomize
