Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Randomize
