New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
