Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
The cops high fived after they tackled you
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
