look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
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