I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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