I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Randomize
