If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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