What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
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