Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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