Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
