the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
