Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
