You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
