So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
It's shark week go big or go home
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Randomize
