I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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