so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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