Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
