My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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