Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Randomize
