Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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