So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
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