So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
