Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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