Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
