her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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