yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
He? As in you personified your dick?
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
