Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think your dad took our porno
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
