Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
