the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize