areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
