I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
