i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize