she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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