put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Randomize
