Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
