you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Actions speak louder than pants.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
