fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
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