someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Did you pee in the oven last night??
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
