The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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