just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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