you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
