Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
