What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
