I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
