before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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