the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
