OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Randomize
