Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
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