just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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