i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
