oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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