omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
