I wish they made helmets for livers.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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