Who wears a wallet chain?!
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
