i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Randomize
