last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You have to summon your inner elephant
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Randomize
