I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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