He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
