I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
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