i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
