ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
