3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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