apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
