Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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