he wants to bone in the snuggie
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
