You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
