I forgot how hot balto sounded
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
