The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I feel like a drive thru vagina
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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