it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
