why didn't you poke me back
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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