Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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