So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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