You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
