ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
