wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm like, not good at living.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
