just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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