i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Randomize
