I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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