When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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