ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize