Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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