I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
