Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
