I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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