If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
