Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I can text with my tongue
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
