what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize