You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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