I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
