he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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