At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
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