Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
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