dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
