I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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