Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Randomize