I have demons in me.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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