If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
