I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
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