You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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