i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
