Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
