I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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