Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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